Get Paid to Cook at Home - Latest Idea from the Idiocracy

There's stupid and then there's really stupid. There are people who know the price of everything and the value of nothing. There are people who think they can price everything, but don't know how to.

Enter Kristin Wartman who has had the revolutionary idea that people should be paid to cook at home.

You see, Wartman thinks that because people spend so much time in offices, in cubicles, in front computers with their ample bottoms spilling over the side of their poorly designed office chairs that they don't have time to make nutritious home-cooked meals.

Wartman's ingenious solution is to pay women to do it, just as women are paid to slouch in front of computers in cubicles. That way a proper value can be put on home cooking.

She's serious and I'm underwhelmed.

Needs instant home cooking! Demand it Now!

Wartman is silent on who should pay, but she can only be thinking that it should be the government, or other family members.

Let's say, the solution is that the government pays. How should the women be compensated for slaving over a hot stove? By the hour? If so, surely cheese on toast would be worth less than lasagna. Or should the women be compensated according to the nutritional profile of the food? So, white bread with jam would be worth less than a boiled egg, say. This leads to the problem of how micro-nutrients should be valued. Is vitamin C worth more than zinc? Is vitamin A worth less than soluble fibre?

And how does Wartman propose standards be enforced? Should the government employ an army of inspectors to ensure that only sanctioned nutrition appears in homes around the land? So that, at 6 p.m. every evening, there is a rapping at the door as the health inspector does his rounds. Or should other family members report to government commissars whether their home is nutritionally correct?

Wartman is silent on all of this. She should state her position.

Demand a Living Wage for the Cooking Class!

Alternatively, rather than the government pay the women of the nation, employment law could be amended so that other family members are forced to pay the home cook.

"No I don't want boiled chicken, brown rice and broccoli, I'm having chicken nuggets and chips, so I'm not paying you," says eleven year-old daughter

"Piss of bitch, I'm having beer and pizza," says de facto husband, "and seeing I'm paying I'll eat what I bloody want".

I'm not sure Wartman knows how to deal with such situations, but I have one solution which I'm sure would gain her approval. CCTV can be wired into every house so that government inspectors can know exactly what is going on in each home of the country every minute of the day. That way proper nutritional standards can be enforced with an iron fist.

People who cook at home do so, because they like food and because they like to feed their families, their children and themselves well. They have positive relationships with food and healthy and strong relationships with their loved ones.

An idea like Wartman's can only come from someone who doesn't really like food, who never cooks for anyone else, who has no children, who holds their family in contempt and who has no loved ones.

Whatever you do, don't go anywhere near Wartman's place of abode. It must be an uninviting, cold and brutal place. And she'll charge you for it.